The Nature of Things

18Jan10

I noticed the other day that i hadn’t posted anything since November and felt compelled to remedy that. It’s not like people are building their daily lives around what i have to say or anything but, for posterities sake, here goes.

The end of the decade wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. At least not for me. After my fight with colitis back in October my body has slowly been showing signs of stress related to those two months of misery. My body broke out like i had to accomplish all of puberty in a month time span and because my appetite came back, I’ve now been fighting the battle of the gut. Of course the holidays are always hard on everyone when it comes to gaining weight. I just really had nothing better to do. Speaking of the holidays, this was by far the worst of it all. Without getting into too much detail, i spent Christmas Eve anywhere but home and New Years i spent alone. I’m not asking for pity or anything, just reporting.

Generally speaking my mood hasn’t been good. Sub par and disastrous would be better suited i think. (Of course now I’ve turned this into a mini-diary session, but…what the hell.) I’m usually pretty good at hiding my discomfort, disappointment, and self loathing but i’ve tired of the performing for way too long now. At times i may be too vocal about how displeased i am with the way things are going, have gone, or with how i feel but sometimes you just gotta ease the pressure a little bit. Because of my lack of confidence and my struggles at home, i decided not to throw my hat into the Grad school arena this year. It would have been beyond stressful for me to prepare something i could really get behind in time for this month’s auditions. I guess as long as i try before i’m 30 i’ll feel OK about it.

Maybe it’s just me but I’ve always found it quite difficult to gain control and thus direction of my thoughts and feelings. Not to say that i’m “out of control” but in terms of out come and desire. I’m beginning to take responsibility for my own happiness which is not an easy task amidst my familial woes. As a matter of fact, i am beginning to feel more normal than i have in the past. Reading Kelsey Grammer’s autobiography So Far… i was intrigued by his ability to overcome his own personal troubles by sheer will power alone. Now, he doesn’t touch on every feeling of every day, but he makes some astonishing points. Particularly in regards to happiness, Kelsey states:

Ordinary Human unhappiness is life in its natural color; nothing to cavil of.

That is to say that we’re unhappy most of the time and its nothing to trivialize. Taking his life in literary substance as a microcosm of polar experience (that against my own) then in fact, i have a right to be unhappy. The caveat to this then, is not in relishing your obscurity and self inflictions but indeed, in retaliation there of. Kelsey, despite his shortcomings, success, and tragedy was always on the front line and always taking his unhappiness seriously. In short, it’s a problem and i know it. All of this inspired me to pen this:

Deftly do I fall; unwavering in my recompense of choices chosen hastily.

My biggest source of unhappiness lies in the things i regret. I cannot change these things, as i much as i would like too, nor can i not curb the feeling of regret. It’s the past playing tricks on the present. In order for me to be successful, at something, anything, i must learn to manage my present problems. If by accepting that unhappiness is of a natural order, then too are the solutions. And, if in fact problems arise so frequently and forcefully, so too must each solution be. I think that Newton guy was right about a lot more than just apples.

In the mean time i do have a few things to look forward to. On 1/31/2010, i will finish filming for Nicky Newark as well as attend Kaitlyn Grace’s baptism. A quick side note, really happy J and Bec are back up in Bergen county! More to come ( sooner rather than later.)

Filed under: Life   |  1 Comment

In the Aftermath

11Nov09

OK, well maybe that sounds a bit too harsh. I’m just coming out of my coma from this past weekend and i’ve got a lot to update.

There’s a different ambiance, you know, because it’s during the day…

During my withdrawn, crab like behavior over the past several days i managed to catch up on HEROES. I gotta say that watching a series, whether in whole or in part, in succession, is not for the faint of heart. Indeed, i had to restart some of the episodes because i fell asleep. That’s not to say they were bad, but there were a lot of them. The first 2 seasons were pretty spectacular. The characters were awesome and you could really get into the plot as it unfolded episode after episode. The third season began to de-construct the established boundaries of the characters and of the plot but i was still hanging tough. Now with the start of the 4th season, it has lost the pizazz that it once had. Following down the long and winding road that is LOST, its unpredictability is starting to disconnect the audience from the story and the characters. Lets face it, the American public is dumb and likes to have things a little bit predictable. But when you go off the reservation (or to a carnival as the case might be) you better have a damn strong means by which to return. Although, i do appreciate the attention the Italian-American characters get, even if they represent the rise and downfall of the superhero mafia.

The reading of Permanent Darkness

This took place on Saturday November 7th. I would like to thank everyone who came out to listen and to read. Despite it being a bit nerve-racking, i think it went over quite well.  The play itself read for about 45 minutes. While the talk back with me lasted over an hour i think. I got a lot of good feedback on what worked and what did not. I will definitely start to rewrite it as soon as i get rolling on other priorities. Visit my Writings page to view the draft i used at the reading. I really want to thank all my friends and family that came out to support me. And a special shout out to all my Lyco friends that made it.

Me, Nicole, Will and Nikki

Tim, Will and Me

Feenix Films’ “Nicky Newark” Film Shoot

The next day i had to get up at the crack of dawn (which for me is any time before noon) and headed up to Ramsey to meet up with our Director Dave LaRosa. We got to Cornwal by about 10 A.M. and started shooting around noon. At first glance you didn’t know what to make of the building. Very NY state, however.

Looks can be decieving.

I hadn’t seen the space before we got there but it was very impressive. Bill Diamond of Bill Diamond Productions was nice enough to let us use his sound stage for the shoot.

Studio Entrance

We spent the entire day on set from about 12p.m. – 9:30 p.m. It was a long day but extremely well worth it. I had never been on a sound stage before, let alone acting in one. The shoot went smoothly and we managed to get some great scenes shot. Not only did i learn a lot from participating in the action of the film shoot, but just watching the few other scenes that went on was incredible. Major props to Jeanine Bartel for an incredibly emotional scene she had to play. I was so taking aback by her investment in the small scene that i found myself trying to look away cause it was so on point and grounded. Of course my character then had to pop into the room and ruin the whole thing. But i digress…

On the set: Me and our Director, Dave LaRosa

A view from back of Reggie's classroom.

What was really cool about the studio, other than all the fancy tech and assorted gear that made our Director and DP salivate, was some of the cool memorabilia Bill had on display in the hallways of the studio. At one point i know i stopped and pondered while walking out of his office did Mister Miyagi give him one of his patented massages? Or was Bill just busy using toy trucks to create his own Proton Pack?

Bill Diamond’s very own Proton Pack…I’m very jealous…

So What Now?

Well thanks for asking! I recently received an email about possibly doing a V.O. for a book in the next week or so. We’ll see what comes about from that. However, my main goal for the next several weeks is to prepare myself for Grad school auditions. I think i have a very eclectic list of schools i’m interested in, however, more than 5 is still too many. I really need to boil it down to about 4, maybe 5 schools at most. The well is running dry after all. I would love to get as concentrated an experience as i can from a graduate school. I know i can do the academic work no problem. I know i can do anything that’s asked of me. I just hope someone at one of the schools thinks so. Here is a list of the ones i’m currently looking at:

University of Washington — University of North Carolina- Chapel Hill — Trinity Rep @ Brown University — Rutgers — Wayne State University — UCLA

Those are the main ones. Of course  there is always NYU and Yale as well. That might be pushing it though.

Even if nothing comes from any of the Grad school auditions i do line up, i’m still working towards a better end for myself. It may not be lucrative but at least its honestly what i love to do. If anything in the last few months has proven, its that i’m doing the right thing.

Filed under: Acting, Personal, Theatre, Writing   |  1 Comment